'Recovered memories' / visions of childhood abuse during psychedelic experiences

Did a psychedelic experience show you what looked like a memory of being abused as a child? Perhaps it felt more real than everyday life, and now you can’t stop asking whether it really happened. You are not alone. This is one of the more common and distressing difficulties people bring to therapists after psychedelics.

On this page you’ll find how common these visions are, what memory science says about them, what has helped people live with not knowing, and when to get support.

How common are these visions?

In an Imperial College London trial of psilocybin for treatment-resistant depression, three of the 50 participants (6%) reported visions or resurfaced memories of childhood abuse, according to the head of the lab. Similar reports came from the MAPS trials of MDMA for PTSD. Psychedelic integration therapist Adam Knowles says this is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy after a psychedelic experience.

What people have told us

When we asked on social media, several people told us they had seen themselves being abused as children during a psychedelic experience. They ranged from certain to deeply unsure.

• Some felt the vision explained long-standing problems and became a turning point in their healing. One woman said that after a vision on iboga, her mind felt far quieter, and it has stayed that way for years.
• Others were left with doubt. One man had a vivid vision on ayahuasca of being harmed by a family member as a baby. He still doesn’t know whether to tell his siblings: it would feel like dropping a bomb on the family, and a vision on psychedelics doesn’t feel reliable enough to act on.
• The comedian Simon Amstell has written about an ayahuasca vision that helped him with depression, while noting that he doesn’t actually remember the event happening.
• Some families have been torn apart. One father says his adult daughter accused him of abuse after a psychedelic vision.

Can a psychedelic vision be a real memory?

Sometimes, but there is no way to know from the vision alone. Professional guidance on recovered memories asks for caution:

• The American Psychological Association says most people who were abused as children remember all or part of it. A forgotten memory coming back later is rare, but it can happen.
• It is also possible to form convincing memories of events that never happened. Without other evidence, a true memory can’t be told apart from a false one.
• British psychologists reviewing the research (The Psychologist) conclude that recovered memories are sometimes accurate, sometimes not, and sometimes a mix, and that much of what is recalled can’t be confirmed either way.
• Methods like hypnosis and mind-altering drugs raise the risk of distorted or false memories. Psychedelics change how the brain forms and recalls memories and make people highly suggestible, so they are a particularly uncertain guide to the past.
• The setting matters. At one retreat, the founder’s own story of childhood abuse was part of the welcome talk, and several participants later had visions of being abused themselves.

As trauma psychologist Jim Hopper puts it, not all recovered memories of abuse are true, and not all are false. When nothing outside the memory can confirm it, the American Psychiatric Association suggests therapy can help people reach their own conclusions, or learn to live with not knowing.

A short history of the “memory wars”

In the 1980s and 1990s, therapies aimed at uncovering “repressed” memories became popular, helped by books like The Courage to Heal (1988). Many people recovered memories of abuse, including claims of Satanic ritual abuse that investigations found to be false. A backlash followed. Today, professional guidance asks therapists to keep an open mind: neither to suggest that abuse must have happened, nor to dismiss it.

What helps

• Focus on what helps now. Many therapists suggest setting aside “did it happen?” for a while and working with what the vision means for you, and what your body and feelings are telling you now.
• Choose a careful therapist. Look for someone who neither insists abuse happened nor dismisses it, lets your memory unfold without steering it, and is honest that certainty may not be possible. Be wary of anyone who offers an instant abuse explanation for your problems.
• Don’t chase more memories. Using more psychedelic sessions, hypnosis or other trance techniques to “find out more” can deepen confusion and raise the risk of false memories. Some people end up searching endlessly further back.
• Take your time before confronting family. If you’re thinking of raising it with family, talk it through with a therapist first, and look for other information, such as people who were there at the time.
• Learn to live with not knowing. Some people find relief by working through each possibility in turn and finding a way to make peace with each one.
• Look after yourself. Talking with friends, family or a peer support group, meditation, time in nature and journaling all help people cope with difficult psychedelic experiences.

If you’re wondering how to make sense of your experience, Jim Hopper’s guide is a good place to start.

When to seek professional help

It’s worth talking to a therapist experienced with trauma and post-psychedelic difficulties if:

• the vision keeps coming back or is taking over your thoughts
• you’re struggling with sleep, work, relationships or daily life
• you’re thinking of confronting or cutting off family members
• you’re experiencing panic, flashbacks, low mood or feeling unreal

Our practitioner directory lists therapists and clinicians experienced with post-psychedelic difficulties, and our free monthly online support group is a place to talk with others who understand.

Further reading

• American Psychological Association: Questions and answers about memories of childhood abuse
• The Psychologist (BPS): Recovered and false memories
• PACFA: Consensus guidelines for working with recovered memory
• Jim Hopper: Recovered memories, personal questions
• Chacruna: Can psychedelics reveal memories of sexual abuse?

Further resources

For further information and support, the following web resources and support services are recommended:

• We run a free monthly online support group for people experiencing post-psychedelic difficulties.
• Psychedelic Clinic in Berlin: Clinic at Charité – Universitätsmedizin Berlin offering immediate support. Click here to get in touch.
• Psychedelic Support: Connect with a mental healthcare provider trained in psychedelic integration therapy and find community groups that can provide support.
• Fireside Project: The Psychedelic Support Line provides emotional support during and after psychedelic experiences.
• Institute of Psychedelic Therapy: The Institute for Psychedelic Therapy offers a register of integration therapists.